TooManyFlowers

My kids regularly compete in competitions in Highland Dancing and Pipe Drumming

They fare well usually but once in a while we are struck with the “COMPETITIVE FAILURE SYNDROME” (CFS)  my name!!

You know………….”Why aren’t I good enough?”, “Why does she win all the time?”, “I am just hopeless”, “I want to win a medal too”

Each of my children have gone through this CURVE,

Interestingly enough it also went hand in hand with the “BAD SPORT SYNDROME” (BSS)

You know that one too………………”I want to win!!”, “That’s not fair, she won……” , “He is such a show off”

I am challenged EACH time I am faced with the syndromes……here are some thoughts that have evolved over 17 years and a teaching background………….

As a mum my heart reaches out to my kids when they suffer from CFS or BSS, sometimes it does not seem fair that their legs do not run fast enough or they cannot step or co-ordinate as fast as another child……..their heart cry breaks my heart as they compare themselves with their peers and strangers………

BUT

As an educator and a spiritual/moral development supervisor I have a choice, I can yield to their heart cry and be sorry that their pride/self concept has been deflated or choose to use this experience as a platform to teach them what “winning” really means.

For this reason I embrace the Olympics and regularly do projects on the Olympics with my kids, I think it is great for my kids to see athletes compete to see people win and loose at this HIGH level is a treat.

Most athletes at this stage have learnt how to deal with failure they carry themselves with integrity and honour, this is a pleasure to see. What I find inspiring is the stories BEHIND the athletes…..the YEARS of training, the YEARS of sacrifice, the YEARS of pushing themselves to new heights……it is no surprise that the Apostle Paul uses the picture of an athlete to represent spiritual growth and maturation.

My dad also has had years of playing sport at a competitive level, as a league football player he has won and failed. He has coached and developed younger boys in the sport, and regularly teaches my kids the importance of winning and loosing with a GOOD spirit.

As a teacher I admit I do have mixed feelings about competition…….it can be of great good BUT great evil if not handled correctly. I have seen people permanently scarred by being forced to do sports where they ONLY failed, or were heartlessly ridiculed by peers for failure……even some who have succeeded have had scars…….I was taught that everyone should win and you make ALL children winners in their own right, you know give everyone a trophy or NO-ONE…….

BUT

I have had to come to see that in reality we work on a REWARD basis in the world/work and school system………we earn the right to go to University through study, we earn the right to promotions in work by working and performing well, we earn the right to gold medals in the Olympics by sheer hard work and talent………………

So we really must train our kids to win and be rewarded in a RIGHT WAY and also fail and be disappointed in a RIGHT WAY!!!

But there is a factor I feel we may miss in our world………

We HAVE to find where our kids are going to achieve, there is no point in making a square peg fit in a round hole, we must, we must, we must find the round kid peg for the round kid hole. We must find where our kids succeed and focus on that, help them to succeed and rise……………

I am convinced that children, boys especially, will ALWAYS be competitive, it is in their nature and even genetics!! But how they win and how they cope with failure in these early days will mould and shape who they are in the future. They need to learn how to fail with grace and beauty, there is nothing wrong with disappointment in performance as long as it leads to a positive outcome, not destruction of personal fibre and others around them.

Just a few of my CFS and BSS combat points, these of course are scaled the age of my children

• Play for enjoyment first, remember Eric Liddle in Chariots of Fire……..”When I run I feel God’s pleasure”
• Play or perform to improve NOT to win
• If you medal/score or place see it as a bonus not as the goal of the day
• If you have done your best let God take care of the rest
• You are good no matter what the score says
• If you do not practice then do not expect to excel…put the YARDS in and you will see results, what you sow you will reap
• Work always to being happy and pleased when others win and succeed!
• Disappointment with yourself is fine, do not blame others or circumstances for failure
• Recognise your limits and rejoice and accept them
• You must realise that even if life you will not always win and succeed even with God
• Failure is the biggest way to learn
• Experiences can make you BITTER or BETTER you choose

Do you have anymore CFS combat points you use for your kids???

I would love to hear them…..please leave you comment here…………..

I have just read this article on CurricClick and Evonne kindly allowed me to repost it on my blog……if you need a laugh and an insight into the CYCLES OF HOMESCHOOL…have a read!!!

Homeschool Makeover

Does your homeschool need a “Makeover?” Are you like me in need of an “Intervention?” Can you relate to my experience?

In Preschool the “world was our oyster.”  We would homeschool when we wanted to and where we wanted.  We even homeschooled at Starbuck’s over a 2 shot soy latte, and a child’s Frappucino.  Life was good!

Then age 4 came around with a cold chill; and we decided it was time to bunker down.  Expensive DVDs were ordered; and Mom’s frown became her accessory of choice- because it was time to get serious! And serious he got.  No playgroup in the morning any more.  Baby sister had to be kept away for serious kindergarten work was occurring.  The musty storage room was turned into a school with creaky desk and all.

It went on like this for a year, until I realized “this was no fun!” The breaking point for me was when my child said to me, “you’re not my teacher, Mrs. _____ (the Video Teacher) is my teacher.” No more! I was going to be the creative Supermommy Homeschool Star that I knew was buried inside of me.  We were going to have a HOMESCHOOL MAKEOVER!

Out went the creaky desk, and in came the butterflies.  Out went the workbooks, and in came the “Magic School Bus.”  If it wasn’t hands-on, I was hands-off.  If it didn’t require a field trip, I left it out in left field.  However, in our homeschool bliss one major problem occurred.  That same child that could sit for 4 hours through a school completely on DVD, was now climbing on the walls and thought he was a butterfly when it was needed to sit and learn.  There is only so many field trips one can take to teach a kid to write his name! And this creative Homeschool Diva was ready to hang up her boa, and call the Insane Asylum.  I was so sure there was a special unit for homeschool moms who thought they could do it all!

Well, after being told I could not afford the padded walls on one income, I had to find another solution.  I needed to give our family another “Homeschool Makeover!” It was time to make a change- but how- I wanted structure back.. but I wanted creativity too. Aha! My grand solution- structure for the core classes- and creativity in all the electives.

Ah! My golden moment of clarity! All it took was a little soul searching, and my Makeover Moment happened.  Yours Can Too! It is never too late to have a Homeschool Makeover! And hey, maybe I’ll see you over a latte with your new homeschool accessory- a smile on your lips!

Evonne Mandella is the author of the “Read Hebrew Today” Series which teaches families to read the Biblical Languages in Minutes.  She is also the author of the  the Hands-on Bible Curriculum “Wholesome Learning”- a Multi-Level Bible Curriculum with a Biblical Language Focus.
Her series of Curriculum are available for instant download at currclick.com
She also can be found at www.wholesomelearning.com

To my dear friends who have followed my trip to the Philippines, on Saturday night Baseco was ravaged by fire in an area called Gasangan, this may be a familiar because I had Birthing Classes there, I knew many mothers, babies and children, John 14:12 had a Church, shelter, precious leaders, church members, pedicab drivers there too, now the pedicabs are burnt ruins, the area once packed with people and houses is a burning flattened smouldering mess. At the height of the fire there looked like 20-40 foot flames!

The reports are sketchy but we believe that 800 families have lost their homes and lives were lost……what a tradgedy!

Another disaster and setback for these struggling people, please pray, pray for individual mothers and their children now homeless…….their homes were humble and simple usually made from Bamboo, coconut wood, plastic and some tin…….but they were “home” to the family…………

The housing materials were simple however made a flammable fire trap also, open fires and candles are a constant risk………dry hot weather was another factor. I am  devastated that we are not there to help and comfort…….

To my faithful followers, please pray especially for these precious mothers just like you and I who live, have a family, cook clean and strive to better their families, those who once had a little “something” now have nothing…..God help them!

PS I have just heard that the fire stopped 3 houses from the church, thank you God!!