My kids regularly compete in competitions in Highland Dancing and Pipe Drumming
They fare well usually but once in a while we are struck with the “COMPETITIVE FAILURE SYNDROME” (CFS) my name!!
You know………….”Why aren’t I good enough?”, “Why does she win all the time?”, “I am just hopeless”, “I want to win a medal too”
Each of my children have gone through this CURVE,
Interestingly enough it also went hand in hand with the “BAD SPORT SYNDROME” (BSS)
You know that one too………………”I want to win!!”, “That’s not fair, she won……” , “He is such a show off”
I am challenged EACH time I am faced with the syndromes……here are some thoughts that have evolved over 17 years and a teaching background………….
As a mum my heart reaches out to my kids when they suffer from CFS or BSS, sometimes it does not seem fair that their legs do not run fast enough or they cannot step or co-ordinate as fast as another child……..their heart cry breaks my heart as they compare themselves with their peers and strangers………
BUT
As an educator and a spiritual/moral development supervisor I have a choice, I can yield to their heart cry and be sorry that their pride/self concept has been deflated or choose to use this experience as a platform to teach them what “winning” really means.
For this reason I embrace the Olympics and regularly do projects on the Olympics with my kids, I think it is great for my kids to see athletes compete to see people win and loose at this HIGH level is a treat.
Most athletes at this stage have learnt how to deal with failure they carry themselves with integrity and honour, this is a pleasure to see. What I find inspiring is the stories BEHIND the athletes…..the YEARS of training, the YEARS of sacrifice, the YEARS of pushing themselves to new heights……it is no surprise that the Apostle Paul uses the picture of an athlete to represent spiritual growth and maturation.
My dad also has had years of playing sport at a competitive level, as a league football player he has won and failed. He has coached and developed younger boys in the sport, and regularly teaches my kids the importance of winning and loosing with a GOOD spirit.
As a teacher I admit I do have mixed feelings about competition…….it can be of great good BUT great evil if not handled correctly. I have seen people permanently scarred by being forced to do sports where they ONLY failed, or were heartlessly ridiculed by peers for failure……even some who have succeeded have had scars…….I was taught that everyone should win and you make ALL children winners in their own right, you know give everyone a trophy or NO-ONE…….
BUT
I have had to come to see that in reality we work on a REWARD basis in the world/work and school system………we earn the right to go to University through study, we earn the right to promotions in work by working and performing well, we earn the right to gold medals in the Olympics by sheer hard work and talent………………
So we really must train our kids to win and be rewarded in a RIGHT WAY and also fail and be disappointed in a RIGHT WAY!!!
But there is a factor I feel we may miss in our world………
We HAVE to find where our kids are going to achieve, there is no point in making a square peg fit in a round hole, we must, we must, we must find the round kid peg for the round kid hole. We must find where our kids succeed and focus on that, help them to succeed and rise……………
I am convinced that children, boys especially, will ALWAYS be competitive, it is in their nature and even genetics!! But how they win and how they cope with failure in these early days will mould and shape who they are in the future. They need to learn how to fail with grace and beauty, there is nothing wrong with disappointment in performance as long as it leads to a positive outcome, not destruction of personal fibre and others around them.
Just a few of my CFS and BSS combat points, these of course are scaled the age of my children
- Play for enjoyment first, remember Eric Liddle in Chariots of Fire……..”When I run I feel God’s pleasure”
- Play or perform to improve NOT to win
- If you medal/score or place see it as a bonus not as the goal of the day
- If you have done your best let God take care of the rest
- You are good no matter what the score says
- If you do not practice then do not expect to excel…put the YARDS in and you will see results, what you sow you will reap
- Work always to being happy and pleased when others win and succeed!
- Disappointment with yourself is fine, do not blame others or circumstances for failure
- Recognise your limits and rejoice and accept them
- You must realise that even if life you will not always win and succeed even with God
- Failure is the biggest way to learn
- Experiences can make you BITTER or BETTER you choose
Do you have anymore CFS combat points you use for your kids???
I would love to hear them…..please leave you comment here…………..
Well this year is evolving into a new adventure in our school world
Master J is turning 17 this year and is embarking on Year 11, wow this was a little intimidating for me personally but we were facing it bravely……I felt strongly that I was not going to sacrifice his education for my “ideal” (please take what I am saying in the spirit It was intended) so I was constantly looking for alternatives and extensions to MY offered school experience
Master J has had a desire to design ever since he began to play with Lego, and scribble things and plans down ranging from “battle plans” to Sim City type games on the computer……he loved the order and the system and the geometry and the design mixed with creativity too…it is interesting he is a first born with great organisational abilities but balenced with a huge creative slant (I was exactly the same as a teen too had a great prepensity to the creative arts BUT could not bear to spend all of my to time doing it like an artist would, so decided that a teaching degree would be a great and PRACTICAL second) I was and AM such a firstborn!! So is Josh!!
So Master J set his aim on Tertiary Education and an Engineering/Design course….my course was set too….I have to facilitate with him to achieve his goal, this was something that I was NOT going to fail him in!
In my thinking it was clear, what a shame we do all this hard work for years and not get him to an academic or social/emotional/spiritual standard to achieve and not sink in the BIG world…….that was not an option in my mind. I would find a way, I would not cease until I found something that suited my standards and family situation.
Our family situation was complicated too, missions and travel has become a big part of our lives, to me Moscow and Edinburgh Tattoos are vital and immeasurable LIFE experiences that will imprint my kids forever…..as for Manila everyone who has followed my blogs KNOW the impact that experience has had on my kids, I would not change that for a million bucks!! So school had to FIT this family choice we had made…….seemed like a toooooooo hard call……but I think that we had some help from the eye that never sleeps and loves us endlessly, His hand was in everything we did and do
Psalm 37:23-24 (New King James Version)
23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the LORD upholds him with His hand.
Anyway……………..
We actually ended up looking Open Access College (like long distance ed through the phone and internet hook ups)
We were initially looking for Design and Technology courses (CAD programmes etc, ) but once I saw what they offered and the flexibility that actually FITTED into my ideal (and J’s for that matter) I WAS SOLD!
WEEEELLLL was I impressed from the outset, the friendly staff and non-judgemental attitudes was only the start!
Our counsellor we saw was open and excited, she saw the work that J had achieved just from what we discussed (the Moscow Tattoo, the trip to Manila and the upcoming Tattoo in Edinburgh) she immediately began to explain that we could get credit for these LIFE EXPERIENCES that go towards his SACE score…….that excites me. Finally a “school” that was open and flexible enough to see with eyes that go beyond the 3R’s……that experiences matter, and life skills are vital to achievement in the future.
So as we were winding up with some work/books this year I decided to bite the bullet and enroll him in subjects that will give him points towards his SACE. How exciting!! I also have the flexibility to keep plodding with the things I WANT him to learn still…….now that is what I have always wanted also.
Now Master J will relate to 4 teachers as well as me…great preparation for tertiary, but we still have a certain amount of control over the “environment” through the telephone he can still be at home in my care……how neat is that!
He will work over 3 years (maybe more) in his SACE…….and will streamline down to subjects that give him a TER score for entrance into Uni…..all with someone who KNOWS the system and can work it better than I ever could! Why 3 years and not the traditional 2, I guess why NOT?? Why the rush? Why the push? When kids like Master J have a multitude of commitments outside school the extra time is a boon……no rush and pressure either. No problem if he wants to do more mission trips either…all achievable. Besides I am convinced boys and lads are NOT ready at 17ish to make impacting life changing decisions why not leave it till later???
So he will embark on 4 subjects this semester and 2 next (coinciding with a self study unit on The Edinburgh Tattoo) which will all sow points into his SACE score……….I am relieved to tell you all the truth and encouraged that God saw my need and supplied……
Only believe homeschoolers, He is interested in the least and greatest things we attempt………
I say I am a blessed Mum and Teacher!
Well even in Manila you put you rubbish bags outside and your 10 year old leaps over it (of course he could have tried to maneuver around it) and successfully trips and cuts his knee on a tin !!
(NO NOT RUSTY, AND YES A NICE CLEAN CUT)
All I can say is that this kinda stuff happens in Adelaide too
So after a quick trip to the excellent Manila Doctors Hospital, we have a great knee with a pretty 2 inch scar with five stitches!!
On ya Jo!!!
PS This happened when James and Josh were away too, typical!!
PPS I say good thing I can handle cuts and injections James would have fainted!!
Nobody knows what a boy is worth, and the world must wait and see, for every man in an honored place, is a boy that used to be” - Phillips Brooks
This is such a good resource I want to have it recorded for all…..I have 4 boys and relate so strongly to this lady, she is a wise woman…….go to it woman, raise mighty men! Once again thanks Aussiehomeschool site (Susan) for the link!
http://mommylife.net/archives/2009/06/classic_movies.html
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